…I’m So Exhausted

July 12, 2007

Why am I so exhausted? I guess it’s because I’m a morning person, over achiever, workaholic… Type A, the call us. But what does that really mean I start to wonder? I mean, you hear that term often but have you ever looked it up?

As I’m writing this I go on a tangent to find out. Wikipedia has a great writeup on Type A personality but it makes me look like a complete nut case. In my defense I think I’m more of an AB Type. I prefer the simple description I found online at International Journal of Epidemiology:

“Type A behavior pattern (TAB), an action-emotion complex observed in people who are aggressively involved in a chronic struggle with life to achieve more and more in less and less time.”1

That pretty much sums up my life; always seeking out efficiencies in everything and sometimes paying the price for moving too fast. Eventually, you reach a point of diminishing returns when you can no longer achieve more and more in less time because there is simply no time left.

That time came for me when I had a child and, like a fool, went back to college too. Don’t get me wrong, having my daughter was the best thing that’s ever happened and finishing my degree is finally within reach, but sometimes it just becomes overwhelming to keep pushing so hard.

I’m so exhausted. I have no time for myself anymore, and just like the Sims video game “motives” scale (similar to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs), I am in the negative on social and fun and need a break soon.

 

Sims Motives Scale

Summer semester is chock full of double sessions of Calculus (hate it, and I have NEVER used it in my 13 year career, but it’s required…) and web development (which is, of course, easy and lots of fun but it takes 6-10 hours a week). I can’t seem to study enough to keep up. It will all be over in just 14 more days…

Falling Down 1993My 33rd birthday is also coming up at the end of the month. That also means Blackhat and Defcon Information Security conference in Las Vegas that I attend every year and usually serves as a nice mid-year break and an excellent birthday party. This year my contracting employer won’t approve training or even just a paid day off or two to go. Now I’m wondering if I should just go anyway and juice up my social and fun scales before I lose it completely and go out Falling Down style.

1 International Journal of Epidemiology 2001;30:369-370
© International Epidemiological Association 2001

Laughing My Sat Off

July 11, 2007

I love comedy. Stand up is the best. It’s all we rent from Netflix and just about all we watch on TV too. Now, I just purchased a new car with XM radio installed and 3 months free and 5 comedy only channels. That’s just awesome.

OK, while the thought of paying $12.95/mo. for XM radio that HAS F’ING COMMERCIALS is just ridiculous, I am tempted because of the comedy channels.

Now I get my laughs in the morning on my hour plus drive into work and I feel a lot better throughout the day. I work for a bank that is headquartered in… you guessed it, Wilmington, Delaware. I am the only InfoSec employee working outside of headquarters and I physically interface with nobody on a daily basis. So, laughter helps and gives me the sense that I had some kind of social interaction during the day. It has amazing effects on stress and mood and it certainly helps dealing with my job that requires driving 2+ hours a day all to sit in front computer doing paperwork, attending remote meetings, and talking on the phone… all of which could easily be 100% remotely from my home office (and in my underwear) if they would only allow it.

Smoking CostsI’m backdating this blog entry to July 8th, 2007 because that marks 6 months since I quit smoking and the longest I’ve ever gone without nicotine. I can honestly say that I’m done forever this time. And no, I won’t be picking up Swisher cigars once a week, then daily, and then to a 10 cigar-a-day habit that forces you back to “healthier” cigarettes like the last times. No excuses… ever.

It’s great being a non-smoker now:

  • No more smell
  • No yellow teeth
  • No burnt car seats
  • No expenses
  • No social stigma

And, now I can sing, hold my breath, run a 10k (not that I have), and feel positive about my health and image which enhances self-esteem.

I also no longer worry about losing my job either. Seriously. Fitting into the corporate culture is imperative to being accepted and maintaining lengthy employment (once again, it’s not what you know…) and smokers are now the outcasts that every company wants to see eliminated.

Nobody can deny that smoking is bad for you, but damn it’s so enjoyable. I will always miss the taste, smell, and the numerous “ten minute” smoke breaks where you meet so many interesting people.

When my daughter grows up and the topic comes up of “when Daddy used to smoke”, it will be nice to hear her say “You did!?, I don’t remember that.”… good.

Since I blew the engine in my 99′ Rodeo this week I had to buy a new car. I’m loving my new 2007 Nissan Altima!

Rear view camera, Touch-Screen GPS Navigation, Satellite Radio, Bluetooth, MP3, Bose Audio… every freakin’ option possible is loaded into my new “economy car”. My 350Z only costs $6k more and it was fully loaded too. This is justified, though. I get the same engine as my 350Z but with a CVT Transmission and greatly updated technology that makes a geek like me very happy. Now, that’s all buried into the 2.9% loan that Nissan offered me, but new cars cost more than monthly payments.

First, I had to buy floor mats. Yes, after walking out of the dealership after laying down over $30k they wouldn’t even throw in some f’ing floor mats! Nice, tan, rubber, two-tone floor mats from Wal-Mart. KaaChing! $20

Second I had to buy a new adapter for my Blackberry Pearl 8100 phone that is also my trusty MP3 player. The headphone jack on phone/music combos is always 3-band (L,R,Mic) and 2.5mm (not 3.5mm like normal). So, most 2.5 to 3.5 adapters don’t work, causing audio on just the right side. I had to order a new converter. KaaChing! $30

I just got my windows tinted (15%, no it’s not legal… whatever) and a clear bra put on today. KaaChing! $500

2007 Nissan Altima 3.5SL - Window Tint SM

It looks a lot better, huh? The inside temperature just dropped by 80 degrees! It took a few hours to install but they had wireless access and I had a laptop so I never missed a beat and was able to get this done while staying connected to the office at all times. I love technology.

Next, I need to register the car in Colorado. KaaChing! Another whopping $600!

So, that’s a total of $1150.00 out of pocket for my new car.

I sure would like to eBay some new tires and wheels to give my car it’s complete, “I’m so cool in my new Altima” look, but after reviewing my expenditures I’ll just have to wait until I win the lottery on the 7-7-7 drawing tomorrow.

Shift_Expensive

I’ve been driving my 99′ Isuzu Rodeo for nearly 4 years ever since I bought out the lease from my wife for only .9% interest. It’s been nice driving a piece of junk around for a while. I haven’t worried about where to park it, how often to clean it, or how cool I look driving it. I don’t care if someone whacks my door. That’s been a nice contrast to driving my 350Z sports car and parking 5 miles from anything, washing it weekly, and living in constant fear of dings, dents or scratches.

All that goodness had to end on July 3rd when I blew a rod in the engine from lack of oil. Sure, I was probably 5-6k miles from my last oil change but that’s not unusual for me since I always use full synthetic oil so that I can purposely run it a little longer. That’s no reason why I would run entirely out of oil without ever seeing a single drop on the ground or smoke form the tailpipe!

Wal-Mart changes my oil regularly. This time they must not have put in a full 6 quarts as stated on my receipt. That little error just cost me $4000! Of course, I can’t prove it’s their fault even though it’s obvious to me that it is. So, as much as I want to blame them it would just mean a long drawn out lawsuit that would end up draining more of my time and money that I have claim for and I would probably still lose. Welcome to the U.S. legal system. Unless you are suing for more than $100k it’s rarely ever worth your effort.

2007 Nissan Altima 3.5SLSo, I luckily made it 50 miles from my office in Colorado Springs to Denver and the Nissan car dealership. I had my eyes on the new 07′ Nissan Altima’s and I guess I needed one fast now. So, I spent a record breaking 3 hours in the dealership test driving, researching, completing paperwork, etc. just so I could walk out with my new car that day and still get home in time for dinner. Good credit has its benefits… like no hassle car buying and more room to negotiate when they know you’re going to be an easy sell up front.

Now the Isuzu is still sitting in the Nissan dealership’s parking lot as I try to figure out what to do with it. It requires either a new engine or a complete rebuild, with both options running $3k to $6k. The car is only worth about $4K with a good engine. I found some used engines for around $2k but with installation it would still run at least $3k. So, I should have accepted the dealer’s offer to just take the car to auction and pay me what I owe for it, $800. For as much as I would like to have a third car for Home Depot trips I can’t reasonably afford the time and effort required to find an engine, find a mechanic, and pay thousands to repair a vehicle that I could simply trash and pay the same thousands for a used one with a working engine anyway.

So that’s my latest dilemma, but I do love my new ride. The new Altima’s look great and this one is fully loaded with GPS NAV, 6CD, Leather, Bluetooth, Sat Radio, MP3 Plug-in, Dynamic Traffic, and even a Rear View Camera! That rear view camera is awesome. I can finally parallel park and get within inches of a bumper if necessary. It also has the same 3.5 liter V6 engine as my old 350Z and a CVT transmission that I have fallen in love with. No shift jumps, no lag… CVT is great!Having blue tooth phone capabilities is something everyone should have. Heck, it should be mandated by law to eliminate all those yahoos out there who can’t multi-task. Other than the lack of cool wheels the car is beautiful and more technologically advanced than anything I’ve ever been inside of. I’m a happy camper now, but I now have a new car that’s black and will require frequent washings, plus I’ll have to start worrying about dings and dents again.