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Making time has never been more of a problem. Work, school, kids, family, holidays, events… it all eventually adds up sometime in your 30’s and you suddenly realize you have filled all of your available time slots with responsibilities. You start to question how important sleep really is just so you might be able to scratch out a single hour of precious me time. Your life passes by in months now; compared to being 8 years old when a single minute would seem to take forever and the night before Christmas was simply unbearable.

So, now its not just about finding me time. You also have to find we time with your significant other and combine that with Famwe time; the time dedicated to your family as a group. Of course, you enjoy every minute of we time and Famwe time but it doesn’t count towards your daily required me time. Neither does work that you enjoy, school, driving alone on a highway…. no, none of that counts as me time. The only time that counts is time that you and your brain know as dedicated me time.

Dedicated me time is time spent alone doing irresponsible things simply for the sake of providing relaxation, enjoyment, and well needed stress relief. It’s irresponsible in the sense of activities that provide no value, intrinsic or derived… like video games, web surfing, hobbies, drinking beer, and just vegging out in front of the TV. That’s time that matters more than you think, and it’s time that must be taken or you risk losing touch with reality.

Normally this would be an appropriate Rant of the Day for me, but its more of a life lesson and a huge sign that things need to change soon. Sure, it’s a non-topical and relatively personal lame ass blog entry, but hey, it’s cheaper than a therapist.

Why am I so exhausted? I guess it’s because I’m a morning person, over achiever, workaholic… Type A, the call us. But what does that really mean I start to wonder? I mean, you hear that term often but have you ever looked it up?

As I’m writing this I go on a tangent to find out. Wikipedia has a great writeup on Type A personality but it makes me look like a complete nut case. In my defense I think I’m more of an AB Type. I prefer the simple description I found online at International Journal of Epidemiology:

“Type A behavior pattern (TAB), an action-emotion complex observed in people who are aggressively involved in a chronic struggle with life to achieve more and more in less and less time.”¹

That pretty much sums up my life; always seeking out efficiencies in everything and sometimes paying the price for moving too fast. Eventually, you reach a point of diminishing returns when you can no longer achieve more and more in less time because there is simply no time left.

That time came for me when I had a child and, like a fool, went back to college too. Don’t get me wrong, having my daughter was the best thing that’s ever happened and finishing my degree is finally within reach, but sometimes it just becomes overwhelming to keep pushing so hard.

I’m so exhausted. I have no time for myself anymore, and just like the Sims video game “motives” scale (similar to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs), I am in the negative on social and fun and need a break soon.

Summer semester is chock full of double sessions of Calculus (hate it, and I have NEVER used it in my 13 year career, but it’s required…) and web development (which is, of course, easy and lots of fun but it takes 6-10 hours a week). I can’t seem to study enough to keep up. It will all be over in just 14 more days…

My 33rd birthday is also coming up at the end of the month. That also means Blackhat and Defcon Information Security conference in Las Vegas that I attend every year and usually serves as a nice mid-year break and an excellent birthday party. This year my contracting employer won’t approve training or even just a paid day off or two to go. Now I’m wondering if I should just go anyway and juice up my social and fun scales before I lose it completely and go out Falling Down style.

1 International Journal of Epidemiology 2001;30:369-370
© International Epidemiological Association 2001

I love comedy. Stand up is the best. It’s all we rent from Netflix and just about all we watch on TV too. Now, I just purchased a new car with XM radio installed and 3 months free and 5 comedy only channels. That’s just awesome.

OK, while the thought of paying $12.95/mo. for XM radio that HAS F’ING COMMERCIALS is just ridiculous, I am tempted because of the comedy channels.

Now I get my laughs in the morning on my hour plus drive into work and I feel a lot better throughout the day. I work for a bank that is headquartered in… you guessed it, Wilmington, Delaware. I am the only InfoSec employee working outside of headquarters and I physically interface with nobody on a daily basis. So, laughter helps and gives me the sense that I had some kind of social interaction during the day. It has amazing effects on stress and mood and it certainly helps dealing with my job that requires driving 2+ hours a day all to sit in front computer doing paperwork, attending remote meetings, and talking on the phone… all of which could easily be 100% remotely from my home office (and in my underwear) if they would only allow it.

I’m backdating this blog entry to July 8th, 2007 because that marks 6 months since I quit smoking and the longest I’ve ever gone without nicotine. I can honestly say that I’m done forever this time. And no, I won’t be picking up Swisher cigars once a week, then daily, and then to a 10 cigar-a-day habit that forces you back to “healthier” cigarettes like the last times. No excuses… ever.

It’s great being a non-smoker now:

• No more smell
• No yellow teeth
• No burnt car seats
• No expenses
• No social stigma

And, now I can sing, hold my breath, run a 10k (not that I have), and feel positive about my health and image which enhances self-esteem.

I also no longer worry about losing my job either. Seriously. Fitting into the corporate culture is imperative to being accepted and maintaining lengthy employment (once again, it’s not what you know…) and smokers are now the outcasts that every company wants to see eliminated.

Nobody can deny that smoking is bad for you, but damn it’s so enjoyable. I will always miss the taste, smell, and the numerous “ten minute” smoke breaks where you meet so many interesting people.

When my daughter grows up and the topic comes up of “when Daddy used to smoke”, it will be nice to hear her say “You did!?, I don’t remember that.”… good.

As a computer geek you get used to staying indoors, and in cubicles, data centers, closets and always striving for the ultimate goal of a perfect left arm tan. I’ve probably spent the last decade mostly indoors except for going out on the town at nights. I suppose that’s good for a fair skinned lad like myself but people need sunlight and human interaction to maintain a normal disposition. I guess it’s that slightly abnormal disposition that makes you geeky….

Now that I have a kid it’s changed all that. It’s time to get outside and show her everything. It’s a lot like reliving your childhood the way you always wanted it to be. We’ve been going to all the fun centers, parks, festivals, restaurants, and tourist attractions. Its fun pretending everything is new again. It’s funny the way kids can change your perspective on life and make it a little less scary outside.